There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
