yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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