I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
