I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
