i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize