I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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