My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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