worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
