just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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