You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
