Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
