do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
