I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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