I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
