i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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