tell your sister to shave her snatch
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
