Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
