Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
