The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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