just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
