you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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