She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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