You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
