ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
