i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
