I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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