Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
