I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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