Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
