I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
did you just send me my own nude
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
