If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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