Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
