im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
