dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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