Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
