call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My life is pants optional.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
