i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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