Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
