sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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