Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
