the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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