This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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