i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
