I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize