i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
