theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
