i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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