i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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