States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
