It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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