Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
