I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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