I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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