Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
