you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
