Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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