we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
