got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
