What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
