she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me