Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

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  (703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am." http://tfl.nu/b7uw
  Replies (18) Good night (6265) Bad night (674)
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  (619): View more from California

  thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

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  (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina http://tfl.nu/dtrt
  Replies (29) Good night (6158) Bad night (843)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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  (978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7
  Replies (33) Good night (2445) Bad night (1481)
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  (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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  (925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej
  Replies (14) Good night (4061) Bad night (917)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

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  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5699) Bad night (972)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

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  (727): Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick http://tfl.nu/5e6v
  Replies (17) Good night (1096) Bad night (10031)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?

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  (206): How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it? http://tfl.nu/31c7
  Replies (23) Good night (2960) Bad night (1758)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.

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  (402): Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples. http://tfl.nu/nrga
  Replies (5) Good night (1178) Bad night (2309)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it

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  (541): She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it http://tfl.nu/9pgr
  Replies (3) Good night (1980) Bad night (1052)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over

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  (908): You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over http://tfl.nu/or3u
  Replies (2) Good night (2320) Bad night (568)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.

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  (610): hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level. http://tfl.nu/1yzt
  Replies (1) Good night (863) Bad night (1994)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.

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  (501): I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this. http://tfl.nu/a4t5
  Replies (8) Good night (1345) Bad night (422)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.

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  (+61): First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost. http://tfl.nu/c1qe
  Replies (5) Good night (461) Bad night (769)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol

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  (913): The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol http://tfl.nu/w5ds
  Replies (5) Good night (1111) Bad night (706)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies

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  (908): holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies http://tfl.nu/b1bo
  Replies (0) Good night (194) Bad night (310)

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