Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.

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(901): I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game. http://tfl.nu/7tak

Replies (15) Good night (573) Bad night (2351)
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(802): View more from Vermont

you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it

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(802): you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it http://tfl.nu/ykku

Replies (27) Good night (3412) Bad night (645)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..

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(843): He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex.. http://tfl.nu/g01t

Replies (17) Good night (5070) Bad night (640)
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(714): View more from California

BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.

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(714): BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that. http://tfl.nu/qgn9

Replies (8) Good night (2396) Bad night (846)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"

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(+61): I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer" http://tfl.nu/7qtl

Replies (11) Good night (2715) Bad night (528)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.

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(708): I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving. http://tfl.nu/rym8

Replies (6) Good night (3209) Bad night (683)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.

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(205): Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes. http://tfl.nu/ntyj

Replies (9) Good night (2486) Bad night (631)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?

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(617): The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow. (1-617): I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right? http://tfl.nu/ithm

Replies (4) Good night (3072) Bad night (657)
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(517): View more from Michigan

I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.

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(517): I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/jhvn

Replies (12) Good night (1653) Bad night (737)
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(619): View more from California

I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands

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(619): I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands http://tfl.nu/vlc3

Replies (4) Good night (1459) Bad night (436)
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(516): View more from New York

We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom

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(516): We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/tkh6

Replies (8) Good night (2286) Bad night (621)
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(415): View more from California

Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.

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(415): Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx. http://tfl.nu/4yiy

Replies (3) Good night (465) Bad night (802)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.

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(775): Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers. http://tfl.nu/u3nj

Replies (3) Good night (548) Bad night (250)
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(465): View more from

The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.

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(465): The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail. http://tfl.nu/oo2l

Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (224)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"

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(781): And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME" http://tfl.nu/jmki

Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (197)

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