why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.