omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.