either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
