the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future