Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
