You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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