she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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