Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
