so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
