...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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