He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
