return my video game
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
